Happy Birthday Alex!!!  Hope things are going well for you.  Your mom and I decided last night that we would go out today and find a nice restaurant and celebrate your birth.  Pretty much what we usually do on your birthday every year except this will be the first time without you.  Yep, we choose a restaurant over at Don Mills and Steeles. You would have liked it, as the selection was quite good.

I had a dream last night.  I dreamt I ran into you at some convention.  You were with a group of pro-environmentalist.  You actually approached me and told me you are getting counseling, and you have more or less regained a sense of balance in your life and realize there are aspects and occurrences that we do not control.  You also mentioned you will keep in touch, but will not come home per se.  I actually woke up elated because that is all your mother and I ask in reality.  We do not wish to interfere with your choices or path in life, only to know that you are happy and well.  If only dreams can become reality.......

Happy birthday son.

It's a gorgeous morning out there!  Temperature at 1000h now sits at -8oC.  I caught myself thinking of taking a run into Peterborough to see my son....I guess old habits are kinda hard to break, especially when it's associated with something positive, fun times.  Yeah, I've always enjoyed going up to see him and having a meal together.  It was nice, hearing him talk of what he's up to; going through the ritual of "which restaurant shall we go to".  In the summer time, we would sometimes bring up food and have a picnic.  Those were fun too.  Sometimes it would be on the ground of the university, and sometimes we would stop at the one of the parkettes off Water St overlooking the river.  I would think with the melting snow, the Otonabee River would be swollen, can be a litlle intimidating as the river runs close to the road.  I guess the rising water sometimes bring back the memories of trips through the deep gorge between Bog Walk and Spanish Town in Jamaica...very scary after a heavy rain fall.  Funny, one of my many regrets...I never took him to Jamaica to show him my old home.  My sister mentioned she will be taking her oldest daughter back during march break to see the old haunts.  There was a twing of regret of not sharing this with Alex when I had the chance.

For you folks out there, don't put off the little things in life, kids grow up pretty fast and there is no rewind...lost opportunities, and depending on whether you get another shot at it, deep regrets.

I guess I'll have to settle for getting a haircut today...or not.  Very poor substitute indeed.

Dear son,
I hope all is going well for you in your life.  I just thought I would let you know what's happening at home, although I know it is more than likely you would not see this posting.

Things are much better for both your mother and myself.  We are both keeping busy; mom is now teaching part-time at the college.  She loves it and realize this is definitely where she wants to be.  It's only one course, but with prep times and the actual lectures, it does occupy most of her time.  When things settles down, she will be looking at some volunteer work as well, just to keep busy.

For myself, I am busy at work.  With the incoming projects coupled with the everyday duties, it's enough to keep me occupied.  I'm on a hiatus from my studies....pretty much my heart isn't in it at this time.

Just wanted you to know that for both your mom and I, not a day goes by without us thinking of you and both our lives are much poorer without you being here.   I know when you severed all contact with us at the beginning of November, all that was brought up were the negatives in our lives, however it is only fair to point out, that we all had some great times throughout the years; example mom taking you puddle jumping after the rain when you were little, the travels we had as a family trying out restaurants...there were many more highlights in the twenty odd years together.  There is one think you need to understand, whether mom and I are separated/divorced or not, you will always be the one bright light in our lives.  We need to make this perfectly clear, there are no regrets in having you as our son and will always love you.

Both your mom and I waiting for the day you'll pick up the phone and call, even an email to say you are doing fine and is happy.  Until then, we'll always be..................mom and dad.

Love,
dad